Affairs

The usual advice for when a wife cheats on her red-pill-aware husband is automatic divorce without reconciliation. Not much further uniformly agreed upon advice is given.

Iron Rule of Tomassi #7 states:

It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was.

Rollo Tomassi also states the following in The Toughest Red Pill You’ll Ever Swallow:

Cheating is the end of genuine desire if it is a woman who is doing the who is doing the cheating. [...] At some point along the way, cheating with another guy [...] seemed like a better idea than staying with you. What the rationalizations are [don't] make any difference. What matters is she desired to bang him and not you. That's it, end of story. That kills genuine desire [...] because her genuine desire was for him and [is] not for you now.

Anytime she cheats on you [...] with that guy, that guy sets the new standard. Especially if that woman has been with you for a long time and then she bangs [him]. She's going to start pining for that other dude because she already knows you. You're familiar, you're comfortable, [...] she has a rapport with you. You're [familiar] to her. This guy's mysterious, he's new, he's novel, it's fun, he's hotter than you, he does different things in bed. She says "he brings out a side in me that I never knew existed". [...] because she's bored with you. She doesn't want to bang you anymore, she wants to live with you.

She [still] wants you to go read [and do] homework [with] the kids. She wants all that to happen, but she does not want to have sex. She doesn't have [...] a genuine burning desire for you at that point because she's clearly demonstrating it (not explaining it) to you with her infidelity. The medium is the message. [...] Her medium is cheating on you so what's the message?

It's over, you're done, forget about it. She doesn't have desire for you. It's NOT about building trust.

I hate it when I hear marriage counselors [say]: "She cheated on you. Now we have to rebuild, we have to get back in the "trust nest". We have to talk about our feelings and we have to rebuild the trust."

No you don't because it's not about trust. [She wants] to fuck this guy. It's about desire. Stop talking about trust.

It's over. Get your fat ass back in the gym and find someone better than that.

Once that woman has had sex with that guy and, God forbid she's got a regular thing going with that guy, now he becomes her her "main" and you become the guy she's cheating with when she has to come home to you.

[...] What will happen is once she's in that situation where she's banging another guy on the regular, you're suspicious of it but you can't really tell. You don't want to be judgmental, you don't want to ruin the "trust nest" (or whatever the fuck we're calling it). What's happened is the guy that she is cheating on you with becomes the guy that she feels bad about when you (as her husband or her boyfriend) are having sex with.

He's the one that she really wants to get with. That's where her desire is. Having sex with her husband feels like cheating on the guy that she has on the side, the guy that's that she's actually cheating with.

So [with a] married woman [and] you're the husband (ed: same goes for boyfriend/girlfriend in a committed LTR), whenever you try to initiate, suddenly she goes cold. Suddenly she's not the person that you thought she was, and she begrudgingly has sex with you whereas before maybe it was something different.

You think "well maybe she's going through a time, maybe it's this, maybe it's that." No! She's thinking that if she has sex with you it's cheating on the guy that she really wants to be with which is the guy who's outside of the marriage, so YOU become the one [with which] she is having infidelity. [...] It feels like cheating on the guy who she's actually cheating with.

That is a tough, tough red pill to swallow for guys because now, you're the husband--you're not getting it at all. Suddenly it goes from having occasional sex to being completely sexless but she's like happy as a clam when she comes home from work or wherever she's coming back from. Then when YOU try to initiate [and] you don't get [any].

One of the things that really pisses off women who are having affairs and their husbands are oblivious to it: all that does is confirm their reason for fucking the other guy in the first place. "Oh he's too stupid to figure out [...] that I'm cheating on him. Why am i with this guy?"

When that guy (the husband) tries to initiate sex and she's like "I got a headache, it's not that time of the month" or whatever the reasoning is, the REAL reasoning is she doesn't have sex with [her] husband because it feels like cheating on the boyfriend.

You're an oblivious chump and it only feeds into her estimate of you as a guy, [...] like it only confirms for her the reason why she went outside the marriage in the first place is because [she asked herself] "is he the best i can do?" and the answer was "no" [and the person she] met outside of the marriage that she's having an affair with, that guy answered "yes".

So every time you're like "okay honey, I guess I'll go pick up the kids from soccer practice, I'll be a house husband" and she's [...] banging the personal trainer on the side the fact that you're not even suspicious, or you don't even care to know, or you're trying to not be judgmental--all that does is confirm for her that you're definitely not the best she could do and she wants to get with that guy that much more and so having sex with YOU is infidelity to HIM. That's a real tough lesson to learn.