Sexless Marriage

Definition

Two informal definitions:

A sexless marriage is one of the following

- Having sex less than 10 times per year

- Having sex (no more than) once a month

Rollo Tomassi says:

"Without sex, what is there? Sex is the glue that keeps a marriage together. Sex is the glue that keeps a relationship together. Sex is what defines a marriage between a man and woman."

"Without sex, what do you have? A roommate? Brother and sister? I can get by on my own with a maid, with laundry service. I can get the things I can get from a wife elsewhere. I can get sex from a prostitute, but without her genuine desire."

Culprits

The two main culprits cited as the main cause for a sexless marriage are age and marital dissatisfaction. Women mostly cited marital dissatisfaction.

Familiarity is anti-seductive. Comfort is anti-seductive. Routine is anti-seductive.

Men's sexuality is always on, women's sexuality is cyclic.

Statistics

• 2-3x per week is 'normal'
• 20% of married people today haven't had sex (with each other) in the past year
• <4% married people ages 25-29 haven't had sex in the past year
• 8% married people ages 40-49 haven't had sex in the past year
• 22% married people ages 50-59 haven't had sex in the past year
• 38% married people ages 60-69 haven't had sex in the past year
• 54% married people ages 70+ haven't had sex in the past year
• Couples in which the man does 40% or more of the housework have significantly less sex than couples in which the woman does all the housework (see choreplay)
• Women over the age of 50 experience low sexual desire (likely menopause)
• When men get married, testosterone declines.
• When men get divorce, testosterone increases.
• Women who had their ovaries removed (hysterectomy) are twice as likely to experience low sexual desire than women who experience menopause naturally.
• 94% of couples think sex is integral to marriage and marital happiness.
• 26% of couples work to improve and maintain their sex lives

Treatment

Though there is no formally accepted psychological methodology, here are some suggestions:

Bluepillprofessor has written a book on the topic: Saving a Low Sex Marriage - A Man's Guide to Dread, Seduction, and the Long Game which uses personal improvement and dread game to attempt to re-instantiate desire.

Rollo Tomassi suggests to mentally 'break up' with your wife. Focus on yourself: get to the gym, look better, feel better. See the Reconstruction posts one, two, three, four.